Six years ago on December 12, 2004, Avah Karren was born into this world.
Its hard to believe that six years have passed since the first time I held her tiny body in my arms. They say time speeds up tremendously once you have kids and they weren't kidding. I wish I could go back in time and cherish every single moment, every baby kiss, every snuggle, every cry. Its sad to know they are gone forever. Its a good reminder to myself that I need to learn to live in the moment. She is so amazing at six years old and has grown so much, even just in the past couple of months. If you blink you'll miss it.
I was miserable towards the end of my pregnancy. I was bored, having stopped working in October and being due on December 19th. I also had a growth spurt and the belly that was so small during my entire pregnancy bloomed into a full on pregnant belly. I couldn't move very well and I just plain wanted her out. I wanted to meet her badly...getting off of the couch without help was an added bonus. In an incredibly selfish move, just weeks after my mom went through surgery, Avah was induced the morning of December 12, 2004. I did not have a scheduled induction, per se. The hospital called at about 5 am to tell me there was a spot open and I should come down. My mom drove me to the hospital, checked me in, and I changed into my hospital gown. I was given my first round of medication to induce labor at 6 am. I was comfortable and the time flew by. At 10 am the nurse came in and gave me Pitocin through an IV. By Noon my contractions had begun and were strong and unforgiving from the get go. I couldn't breathe, couldn't think, couldn't focus on anything but the awful pain. I was delirious with it. I don't recall a whole lot from Noon-5pm but the pain and seriously wanting some chocolate! At 5pm the doctor came in and I got an epidural...sweeeeet relief. I was able to relax for a few moments but then, only moments after the epidural was administered, Avah went into distress. The charge nurse came in, flipped me on my side, and put pressure on an area of my abdomen. The entire room came alive with nurses, and I heard words being thrown around like "Distress", "C-Section", and "Emergency." I was terrified. The nurse at my side was able to shift Avah around and her heart rate normalized. The nurse checked me right after and found that it was time to push! Only three contractions later, Avah Karren was born at only 5 pounds, 8 ounces, and 19 1/2 inches long at 5:55 pm on December 12, 2004.
As soon as she was born they placed her on my stomach and I remember being completely and totally freaked out by it. This completely formed baby was just inside me and is now laying on my stomach! I didn't know how to touch her, what to do, or what to say. My motherly instinct was NOT instantaneous. My mom cut her umbilical cord and they took her away very briefly to wipe her down and handed her back to me all snuggled in a blanket. I breastfed her immediately and it was then that I realized, she is mine. This is the person that I have gotten to know after the last nine months. Words cannot describe the feelings that come over a mother when she holds her child for the first time. It is incredible, life changing, and terrifying all at the same time.
For days and days after her birth I was so emotional. I was afraid to drive with her, afraid to sleep in case she stopped breathing, afraid that anything bad would happen to her. For about 6 months I was a terrible driver because I was so skiddish, constantly over correcting and being too quick to brake. I finally realized I was more likely to get in an accident driving that way and started driving better again. Being a parent turns you into, well, your parents! I finally got why my parents were so freaking worried about me all of the time. That day and in that very moment, I learned what love truly is.
So, Happy Birthday Avah! No matter how big or sassy you get, you will always be my baby. I love you.
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